I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
