I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You're like the curious george of whores
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
