It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
