Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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