Swine flu. Run for my life!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
