Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
