so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
