I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize