There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize