omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
