His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
