All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize