butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
