sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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