The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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