i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
