My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
