TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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