I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
