Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
