the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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