The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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