Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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