So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize