I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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