i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
