I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
