Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the liver wants what the liver wants
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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