Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize