elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
