I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
