Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
