3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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