Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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