I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
