My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
