please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
