He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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