got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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