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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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