i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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