Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All I want is dick and wine.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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