Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize