I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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