ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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