I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she looked like the before picture.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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