I want to walk on stilts...naked
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
