She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
