i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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