I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
