dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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