Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
