I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
