And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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