If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
