I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize