yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
