Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
