He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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