I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
