i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
