Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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