I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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